Letter from Mitch about tragedy in CT

Dear TBS Families,

As most of you will have heard by the time you read this email, a tragic and awful shooting took place today at an elementary school in Connecticut.  News like this stops all of us -- families, teachers, staff, and administrators -- in our tracks, and calls forth a range of powerful (and often surprising) emotional responses from us.  When that tide recedes, we all begin to move into "action mode," as we try to reassert some degree of certainty into our lives and into our hopes and dreams for the children whom we love.

Accordingly, we want to give you information about our own actions (ongoing, present, and future), and also share resources and ideas with you that may inform your own course of action with your children over the weekend.

First, I want to assure all families that we have thought a great deal about preventing such events from occurring on either of our campuses.  That starts at a fundamental level -- we work hard to create physical and social campus environments that model respect, emphasize inclusion and peacemaking, and help build and maintain community connection. Beyond that, both our campuses have key-code, locked entry gates that are visible from multiple windows, and security cameras on our larger University campus show live feeds of every exterior part of the campus on a screen visible to our receptionist and also via a secure internet link.  Finally, all our staff are trained to approach unfamiliar visitors with a cheerful and proactive greeting.  If you step onto our campuses, we'll know who you are and why you're with us very quickly.

We also engage in regular "Stay in Place" drills at the University campus:  drills designed to provide maximum safety in an "intruder on campus" situation.  Doors are locked, curtains and blinds lowered, and children are taught to shelter out of sight:  communications protocols also are enacted to keep communication flowing.  We just completed our most recent drill last month, and while we wish that the need for these drills didn't exist, we will continue to do them as a regular part of our emergency readiness plan.  We consult with the Berkeley Police Department and other authorities to ensure that our practices are appropriate and effective.

In my experience, many of us will want to know how to talk about these events with children.  Here are some guidelines and suggestions to keep in mind.

Should you bring this up with your child(ren), or should you wait?  

In general, we think this depends on the degree to which information about world events flows into your child's environment at home or in the transition from school to home.  Our sense today is that none of our children have heard about the shooting, and we've worked hard to limit their access to that information.  In general, we think limiting their access to this information in developmentally appropriate ways is key for families as well.  However, going into the weekend, match what you know about your child(ren) with what you know about your child's weekend social environment and cohort, and let that process be a guide.  If you think it's likely that your child will hear about this news or see it, you may want to bring it up first so that you can give it appropriate context.  

Will teachers be discussing this event with children on Monday?

This is a level-dependent question.  In general, the younger the children, the less likely that teachers will bring things up proactively -- but our faculty know our children well and will rely on that knowledge, their own deep knowledge of child development, and any information that you share with them to make their plans.  Your child's teachers will let you know before Monday if they see a need to take proactive action -- and if so, they'll let you know what they will say and follow up with information about how things went.  

What should we keep in mind if (or when) we talk to our children about this event?

Often, younger children may believe that events like this happened nearby, are continuing to happen, and/or are happening in multiple schools.  Consequently, it's crucial to establish concrete details and take nothing for granted.  Showing a child a map that includes Connecticut and California can be helpful.  Being very clear about time frames is helpful.  And giving them information about resolution (i.e. the shooter is no longer alive) can help as well.

Be careful to answer any questions that you are asked appropriately:  it's very easy to give children information that doesn't match what they wanted to know.  Listen carefully to their questions and, if you're not sure what they want to know, ask them directly:  too much detail may be overwhelming or frightening to children who (fortunately) lack a frame of reference for such an event.

Offer a great deal of reassurance.  Make sure they understand that families, schools, and people in the wider community all work together to make sure that events like this do not happen.  If your children need it, make more time to be with them physically and mentally.  

Remind them that the school practices drills for emergency situations, and that they know what to do if when unexpected emergencies happen.  Praise your children for always taking our practice drills seriously and tell them that as parents you too have copies of our school plans, and know what good care the teachers and administrators will take in keeping them safe while at school.

Are there any other resources that we can access?

Here are four links that CAIS schools are recommending:

http://www.childrenscolorado.org/news/inthenews/2012-news/talking-to-kids-about-school-shootings.aspx

http://www.apa.org/topics/violence/school-shooting.aspx
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15109195/ns/health-childrens_health/t/how-talk-your-kids-about-shootings/#.UMt_9qUWHzI

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/terror_general.aspx 

Thanks for your ongoing support and for partnering with us in helping children navigate through these troubled, but teachable, times -- and best wishes for a good weekend.

Take care,

Mitch